How to Surrender

The phrase “I can’t” was like a cuss word in my house growing up.

I was taught from an early age you gotta make things happen on your own. If you want something, you go after it – period. You don’t rely on anyone else, any Higher Being or circumstances to get you where you want to be.

This notion has been so deep-rooted in me that once I decide I’m going to do something, that’s it. I’m moving ahead, pushing through challenges, knocking down roadblocks. I’m obtaining my goal.

I don’t rely on back-up plans. I go all in. This can-do mindset has served me well over the years. But, more recently, I’m questioning how this approach offers me a false sense of control at times. I've also begun wondering whether I’m doing too much.

I’ve been practicing “More allowing, less efforting.”

Initially I eased into my new mantra. Now, I’m going all in because that’s what I do, and I want to really test this out. Is it possible to be successful and not work like a madwoman?

I’m type A. Love control, well at least enjoy the feeling of thinking I’m in control. I love managing my outcomes and goals. I'm a fixer, a solution-finder. So to go into full-fledged surrender mode is extremely challenging, like really HARD.

It’s not what’s been ingrained in me. To rewrite this story is excruciating. How can you sit back and let things just come to you? Yeah, yeah, Universe this and putting out energy that, but I feel compelled to make moves and take action.

I’ve sensed for a few years that I need to practice surrender. I’ve resisted vehemently. Here’s how I’m doing this and how things are going.

Step 1: Made the decision to seriously do this, to relinquish all thoughts, outcomes, interactions, and expectations of others. Right, I know what you’re thinking, “How is she actually doing this?!”

Step 2: Wake up and set my intention for the day. Setting intentions is powerful. It keeps me focused, puts out a certain energy and is a personal reminder.

Step 3: Ask God to help me. For you, this could be the Universe, another person or whatever you use outside of yourself for support. I am uprooting decades of self-talk and expectations so I need major help and recognize the difficulty of doing that on my own.

Step 4: Do it. Release it. There are many opportunities throughout the day to surrender. As I write this, I have a knot in my stomach about a response I’m awaiting from a tenant to see if she’s going to renew her lease.

Logically, not a big deal perhaps but I’m allowing my scarcity mentality to haunt me and cause momentary stress. The potential financial repercussions and timing of a vacancy aren’t ideal right now.

Step 5: Do it again and again and again. Keep practicing.

I’m tired of attempting to control. Control others. Control situations. Control emotions. I have worn myself out. My focus these days is on my effort and not the outcome. All I can control is how I show up and my effort, which I’m carefully monitoring.

So far, this has been amazing! I’m more relaxed, less inclined to worry. Yes, I’ve got a ways to go, but I’m moving forward. Because you know what, I can control my choice to surrender.

I’ll know I’ve succeeded once I’m in a constant state of peace.

How about you? How are things going when it comes to mindset shifts, behavior changes or new habits you know are needed to improve yourself. This is an ultimate form of self-care.