40 Lessons I've Learned in 40 Years

I had an amazing 40th year, which included the best summer of my adult life. My husband and I ended up spending four months in Washington, DC, which borders my hometown of Silver Spring, Md.

I spent time with my childhood friends, and seeing my family regularly was amazing. We visited museums, attended free concerts and ate at a variety of restaurants. 

This past year, I also worked with new amazing clients, mentored a student at my alma mater, served in my church as a marriage class facilitator, dedicated my summer to self-care and volunteered for Habitat for Humanity as a budget coach.

As I move forward, I’ve learned some lessons that allow me to live life with joy, particularly in the midst of my challenges. Each day I learn to navigate my life journey from an enlightened perspective if I allow it.

I took time to reflect on 40 lessons I’ve learned over the past 40 years. And let me be clear, I’ve learned these things but, for some of them, I am far from having them mastered. 

40 Lessons I’ve Learned in My 40 Years (in no particular order)

 1.  Stop caring about what others think, including people I look up to or really love. It takes so much energy, hinders me from making decisions best for my personal journey and allows me to sometimes feel “less than” about myself.

2.  Forgive often.

3.  Accept others where they are and stop wishing they had different personality traits to accommodate my needs.

4.  Cherish loved ones because of reasons mentioned in #5.

5.  Live with no regrets. It’s cliché, but the older I get, I go to more funerals. After each one, I’m reminded to make decisions that bring me joy in the present. The work will be there and get done.

6.  Apologize. Acknowledge when I’ve hurt someone’s feelings. It doesn’t mean I was “wrong,” but it recognizes how I may have impacted another human, particularly a loved one.

7.  Call friends, invite people to go out, even if they don’t extend the same gesture.

8.  Keep moving, be active. I only get one body and need to value it.

9.  Cry. It took me years to allow myself to feel and show this type of emotion, even in private.

10.  Read more, watch less TV.

11.  Protect my energy. Apparently, I’m an empath who’s sensitive to chaos and drama.

12. Travel, despite the costs. It’s worth it.

13.  Eliminate the poverty mentality. The scarcity money mindset limits my ability to receive and be abundant.

14.  Take risks. 

15.  Stop worrying. It does nothing, and causes stress.

16.  Meditate daily.

17.  Think before getting a drink. Don’t drink to get a buzz or to fit in to a social norm. It took me about 15 years to realize I didn’t like the taste of some alcohol I was consuming. 

18.  Put others’ needs before my own. Don’t be so selfish and self-centered. This life isn’t about me.

19.  Stop seeking a high based on external factors and results that once defined my self-worth; instead, focus my efforts and actions on helping others fulfill their personal journeys/purposes.

20.  Give to others freely and often, especially when I don’t feel like it. 

21.  Be humble and open to wisdom and other’s ideas.

22.  Give people their stuff back by acknowledging their projections and passive-aggressive comments.

23.  Seek to understand my issues and own them, which is an ongoing process.

24.  Feed my mind, body, soul and spirit through self-love.

25.  Observe my breath to remain present.

26.  Be open-minded and nonjudgmental.

27.  Embrace all parts of my being.

28.  Trust the process. Surrender. Cooperate with God’s plan instead of resisting, which can create self-induced suffering. 

29.  Verbalize feelings immediately. Don’t use the excuse of hurting someone else’s feelings to avoid what could be perceived as an awkward or hard conversation. 

30.  Distinguish my stuff from other people’s stuff.

31.  Live to work, don’t work to live. Create a fulfilling career.

32.  Process and let go of past hurts. A little different than #2, which to me is a decision. This takes forgiveness a step further.

33.  Show up consistently for family and friends, even if they don’t ask for support.

34.  Accept love from others.

35.  Surround myself with positive, uplifting individuals who are honest and loving.

36.  Express love in the best way I know how.

37.  Love myself. No downtalking or downplaying.

38.  Celebrate wins, including small ones.

39.  Do what I say I’m going to do. Be dependable.

40.  Take notice of the little things that show up in life, and be thankful for them.