Stop Complaining in 3 Simple Steps
Complaining feels so good, but it’s oh so bad for us.
In my mid-20s I remember trying to figure out why I was so unhappy because I had a “good” life.
It hit me one day that I spent a lot of time and energy focusing on what was “bad” about the day, another person, an encounter or something that happened to me.
Complaining takes a lot of energy. It’s about non-acceptance and contrary to gratitude. I would offer that it’s a habit that disrupts our flow.
And if anyone hasn’t told you, being around complainers is also a real downer. We all complain sometimes, but is it your norm?
Ask yourself these six questions:
Are bad things always happening to me?
Do I feel the need to rant or to tell people about these bad happenings?
Do I often receive bad customer service, get an awful parking spot or have the worst kids or partner?
Do I find I’m often annoyed or in a state of irritation?
Do I sometimes wonder, “Why do bad things always happen to me?”
Do I often think others around me are incompetent?
If you answer “yes” to most of these questions, you may be a chronic complainer.
Not to worry, here’s what you can do about it if you’re open to changing this habit.
Step #1
The first step to reducing complaining is to be aware that you do it. Observe your thoughts and what’s coming from your mind and then out your mouth. You can take several days or up to a week simply observing. Awareness is a powerful tool.
Step #2
If you decide to become a happier person by reducing your complaining, the next step is to choose to stop doing it. If you’re addicted to complaining or if it’s really hard to stop, try some of these tips:
> Put a rubber band around your wrist. Every time you have a complaining thought and/or verbalize a complaint, pop yourself with the rubber band. Give yourself some grace, this could take some time. The fact that you’re trying is huge.
> Engage an accountability partner. Have someone remind you of your journey to become a non-complainer. You could even create a challenge among friends and make it a game to see who can bring up the least complaints.
> Reward yourself if you begin to significantly reduce how often you complain. You can track it by simply putting a note in your phone or jotting it down. How many times are you complaining in a day? You may be surprised by how often you do it.
You could even make a game out of it. For instance, every time you walk through a door, make a statement of gratitude to yourself to counter the complaining.
Step #3
After observing, and then choosing to stop, begin to incorporate gratitude and replace your complaining with positivity.
Instead of, I’m so tired, try I’m thankful for my job and kids.
Instead of, Everyone but me is getting promoted, try I am thankful for this door closing, I can’t see why this is happening now, but I'm seeking to learn the lesson in my situation.
Instead of, I wish my partner would do [fill in the blank], try I am thankful for my partner doing [fill in the blank].
This may sound hard. That's because it is and can take lots of work and some time. I had this addiction to complaining because it felt good. It allowed me to feel sorry for myself and to play the role of a victim.
It was challenging pulling myself out of this habit. Realizing I was sabotaging my joy is what forced me to change.
If the idea of changing this habit scares you, ask yourself why? How does complaining serve and benefit you beyond the immediate moments of gratification?
I promise you that complaining is short lived, but a life of gratitude and positivity will sustain your joy despite what’s happening around you. People will genuinely enjoy your company and not cringe when they see you coming.
If you’re tired of being unhappy, know that you don’t have to live your life this way, let’s connect. Complaining can impact your movement forward toward a career transition or business venture.
Or, share this with someone who needs it.