The Key to Self-care is Self-love

My self-care was going pretty well, so I thought. I’ve been checking things off my self-care checklist each week without realizing I’ve been missing a key component – self-love.

I was thrown off when the reiki practitioner I saw recently said my energy was really low. She mentioned it being connected to self-love. Huh?

She also mentioned resilient people may have a harder time noticing signs of fatigue and how they're often too hard on themselves. She got my attention.

I thought I was pretty confident and felt pretty good about myself. After some dialogue what surfaced was my self-talk. She went as far to say what I tell myself could be “violent.” Dag, really?

I’m hard on myself, but “violent” sounded a bit extreme. I’ve been sitting with this notion. What's been revealed to me has been completely eye-opening and a total game changer.

I realized it wasn’t until later in life that I allowed myself to cry. And then I progressed to the point where I allowed myself to cry and not feel weak or bad about it.

Expressing feelings verbally or otherwise was a no-no in my home growing up. So I stuffed my feelings and they came out in unhealthy ways, including anxiety. If we don’t address our stuff it manifests often in ways related to our health. 

Or, we may do unhealthy things to deal with our stuff without realizing it. We may lash out or project subtly onto others. We may overeat, undereat, overdrink or overshop as just a few examples of possible coping mechanisms. 

In the past I’ve had hives, heart palpitations, chest pains, sleepless nights, gastrointestinal issues and headaches. I am not going to get into my illicit behaviors as a teenager or issues I carried into adulthood.

Between the reiki appointment and my therapist recently advising I nurture myself, I’m getting the message. Checking off a box that I got a massage or that I journaled is simply saying I completed an action. But behind this step, I’ve got to have the key ingredient: self-love, the positive self-talk.

And aside from the checklist, I’ve got to be kinder to myself. I’ve got to acknowledge all the good I’m doing and accomplishments (and be content, not complacent). I hope you will do the same.

All we can do is show up and do our best. Beating ourselves up for forgetting to drink more water or deciding to take a nap instead of running an errand isn’t helpful. 

We work so hard without acknowledging our efforts because that’s what “we’re supposed to do.” We question what more we can do for our children or loved ones and then talk bad about ourselves. Stop it! What’s the benefit?

Pause and acknowledge all you did today and dismiss the voice telling you what you should've done better.

I’m starting with giving myself hugs. Sounds weird, I know. I tie it in with positive self-talk. It feels good so I’m gonna keep doing it because it’s working. Get weird, get uncomfortable. 

Here are 10 simple ways to practice self-love:

• Tell yourself one positive thing each time you walk through a door. 

• Look in the mirror and forgive yourself, apologize, for negative self-talk, including the subtle thoughts.

• Allow yourself to feel upset or frustrated. Let it out.

• Give yourself a compliment. Don't wait on others to acknowledge your divineness. 

• Notice when you’re being hard on yourself, and stop it!

• Pretend you’re talking to someone else when you need self-encouragement.

• Take a moment to tell yourself “good job.”

• Make yourself sit down for a meal instead of skipping it to get work done or help someone.

• Accept yourself as imperfect. Really be OK with making mistakes.

• Acknowledge that everyone may not recognize your value. Believe you don’t need external validation to feel good about yourself.

Practicing self-love beyond a checklist is a mindset shift that begins with changing your behaviors, like the examples above. It takes intentionality. 

I’d love for you to jumpstart your personal self-care goals. Use this Self-care S.M.A.R.T Goals Cheat Sheet and email it to me.

There’s no judgment. Don’t overthink it. Put down what comes to mind first. It should take you less than 10 minutes. Send me an email instead of completing the cheat sheet if that's easier for  you.

If you know a woman who can benefit from some self-care, share this with her today. 

If you have any questions, reach out to me.